The beginning..

 Add life in days and not days to life.”

Sometimes life is like a bad dream.

We want to forget things and erase some memories to breathe in silence.

And sometimes life is a celebration.

Where each moment is cherished and happiness flows deeply in our veins.  

We are not the chooser of the life which we are living, of the role which we are playing.

We are just the puppets who know how to walk on their own and talk on their own.

This is a strange world and we are part of this strange world too.

Everybody with different dreams, hopes, experiences, liabilities and assets.

The question is of existence.

What is our equation in this world? 

No matter what future holds for us, where the life takes us.

The only thing that matters is we.

As we are the heroes of our story.

Writershots

It’s just a matter of time

I was trying to sleep after a hard day at work. The moment I tried to shut my eyes, I was awakened by some unpleasant noise. The TV was on in the living room at full volume. There was some action movie coming up with all the hustle bustle noise of cars. I guess it was fast and the furious but I didn’t bother to check out.  “Will you please low down the volume at ground level, I am trying to sleep,” I shouted from the bedroom.  He didn’t bother to reply. Furiously, I got up and came to the living room and just turned off the television. I knew that he was angry with me but instead of saying anything he just gave me an unpleasant look and went to sleep on the sofa itself. I said nothing and came to bed to have a peaceful sleep but I knew a peaceful sleep was far away from me even after a pin drop silence in the house.

I am walking on a road which has no end. I am tired of walking now but I just cannot stop myself. Suddenly I see the end of the road but it’s a cliff. I was confused that whether I should just jump from there or take an above turn to walk again on the same path in opposite direction. I was unable to understand what should I do and I couldn’t recognized the surroundings. I was about to jump when I jolted at around 3 am. It was a dream and a repeated one. I have seen it so many times while sleeping. As usual I ignored it and slept again.

Alarm rang at 7 am but I was already wide awake. Today was a special day 25th December, quite special but it has lost its shine. I went to the sofa to wake him up but he was sleeping so soundly. I was lost for some moments thinking about all the beautiful past which we had. He was my first love and my life line, my beautiful husband, my best friend throughout my life. I didn’t understand why there were so many problems between us but right now all I wanted was to forget everything and look at him sleeping so peacefully.  Kissing him on his forehead, I said, “Wake up baby, its morning.” He opened his eyes and for a second I was lost in them, his eyes of longing, and his eyes of love for me. “Happy wedding anniversary baby,” I wished him. He sat and hugged me tightly. For another 10 minutes, we were in that position without uttering anything, both of us. Kissing my earlobe, he whispered, “It’s been a long-time baby and you haven’t given me such a warm hug. I was missing it so badly, happy anniversary to you to my love.”

It was seriously a long time since Arjun and I were close. Both of us were so busy in our professional lives that we had lost the charm of happy in love couple. It’s just been five years of marriage and we have been together since thirteen long years as we were childhood sweethearts.  But from few months, it has been very difficult to live together under one roof. We have changed, everything has changed. We are arguing all the time and just end up fighting for all the worst reasons. Sometimes we are too close to love and sometimes we don’t even talk for weeks.  “You get fresh and I will make a wonderful breakfast for you,” I told him with delight.  “Jiya, I wished we were more like this. I guess finally we can give a new start to our life,” he promptly replied.  “Baby, you know I won’t ever give up on you,” winking at him I ran in the kitchen.

Half an hour later he was waiting for me at the dining table. I came out of the kitchen with his favorite breakfast egg n cheese sandwiches and his large cup of espresso. I had a glance at him and a slight smile appeared on his face. Rubbing his chin with his index finger, I could see the naughtiness in his eyes. After such a long time, I have seen him like this otherwise he was always in his serious and stressful mode.

I noticed he was wearing my favorite light blue shirt and black trousers and he too noted the amazement on my face.  “So, you got to work today?” he asked me munching his favorite sandwich.  “Yes, I have two important meetings in Sion and Pune but I will back as soon as possible.” I said it with a sad tone.  “I wished we could have spent time together. I would have taken an off,” he replied.  “I am sorry Arjun but you know this business development thing. Today’s meetings are very important otherwise I would have cancelled it,” I snap back.  “Work is always too important for you Jiya, anyways leave it, I don’t want to spoil your mood today after you prepared to me such a wonderful breakfast baby. I will wait for you in the evening and then we will go for a romantic dinner and watch your favorite movie later on,” he said.  “Yes,” I couldn’t reply anything further and we ate in silence for few minutes.  To change the mood and situation I asked him, “What can I gift you baby?”  After thinking for a while he replied with a sad tone, “Your time.”

I was struck back with the answer. Something pinched me and deep down I knew that he is right.  I cleared the plates and went to shower. Tears rolled down my eyes and got mixed with the water. Memories were flashing in my mind of all the wonderful and sensuous moments which we have spent. I crave for them and guess he crave for them too, much more than me.  Realizing that I had spent more time in shower than the usual duration, I wore the bathrobe and came out hurriedly as I was getting late. There was a beautiful white chiffon kurti lying on the bed. I was again lost in thoughts as I recall that he had given me one of these kinds during our early days of marriage. He always loved it on me.

As I recollected my mind, I noticed that he was standing right behind me, enjoying the fresh fragrance of my hair and body. I tried to turn around but he catches hold of my waist and a certain current ran through my spine opening all the senses of my body. I missed everything, the touch, the feel, his smell, his skin; I just missed him every second of my life.  “Baby, wear this today. You know I have always loved you in one of these,” saying he kissed me on my neck and took smell of my washed wet hairs. “Beautiful”, he murmured.  I was astonished and totally cold after all this was happening after a very long time. I wanted to love him back, give him all the happiness in the world but I was so much occupied with my work and realized that I was getting late.  “Baby, I am getting late. Can we please continue this later in the evening Mr. Arjun?” I know this will turn him off but that’s the only reply I could give him.  He turned my face towards him and I saw a sudden sadness in his eyes. I knew I have been very hard on him and one day he might just give up on me. But since morning there has been a difference and I know that I will make up for everything. I will never give up on him. With a small silent smile which didn’t reached his eyes, he rolled his thumb on my knuckles and kissed it gently touching his soft lips on my palms and went to the living room without uttering a single word.

For a moment, I was just analyzing and making my senses calm down but then I realized that I was already late and buried myself in getting ready. In fifteen minutes, I was out and ready to go. I came out and saw him reading newspaper on the dining table.  “Arjun, are you not going to work?” I asked him.  “I don’t know; don’t have much to do today,” he replied, “And baby, you look lovely,” he added. “Thanks baby, your choice always makes me look best. I will be home as soon as possible, okay,” I wave him goodbye, gave a flying kiss and went out of the house.

In the back seat of the car, I was lost in my thoughts again. The thoughts of Arjun and I were flashing in my mind. How we are so close and yet so far from each other? I want the old thing back, the old spark. The driver was rushing through the traffic as it was the peak Mumbai office hours.  Suddenly he interrupted my thoughts, “Madam, do you want to go to Sion or Pune first?” The driver asked. “Sion”, I said.  And I was lost in my thoughts again. We knew each other since college and didn’t realize when we fell for each other. We never thought of getting married but when the right time came, with everyone’s acceptance we got married. Initial days where so good as we knew each other so well that we never had any problems adapting to each other’s lives. The worst thing started when I joined my new job as it had so many challenges and maybe I got too much involved in it.

The driver pulls over in Sion’s office and interrupted my thoughts again. “Madam, we reached.” And I realized that after brushing with so many thoughts in my mind, I need to give an hour presentation to these guys. The meeting went well and as soon as I came out, I texted Arjun –  Baby, my first meeting is done now, it went well and I am heading to Pune now. I am sorry baby that I am away from you right now but I will be back as soon as possible. And I still want to know what can I gift you other than thing you asked for. Love you and I miss you.

Soon after few minutes, my phone beeped again and I read his reply –  Jiya, it’s okay, you carry on with everything. I am also out on work now, so will see you in the evening only. And I don’t want anything baby, just come back home smoothly and safely. That’s what I want. Bye I miss you too and love you so much. Thank you so much for trying to make things better between us. I am waiting to grab you in my arms baby.

The old Arjun was back and the old me. I was enjoying this and I was curious to go back to him after a long time. As the driver started driving towards Pune expressway, I was again lost in my thoughts of getting him back, making him happy. I just wanted to gift everything he wanted and that was me, the old me.  We reached Pune in around two hours and I was happy because there was a lot of time till evening. The clients were already waiting for me and we straight away went to the conference room after greeting each other.

The meeting was going on well but I didn’t realize the time and it passed like anything. I was continuously staring at clock and the time was running, it was 5 pm, then 5.30 pm and now almost 6 pm.  My phone rang, it was on vibration. I glimpse at it and it was Arjun calling. I decline it because the meeting was still going on. My phone rang four times and I didn’t pick it up. I was so irritated when it rang for the fifth time and I went ahead and took the call.  “Excuse me,” I alertly said to everyone, “Got a call.”  “Hello Arjun, you know that I am in an important meeting, just give me some time and I will call you back. Now please don’t call.” And I hanged up without even listening to the other side of the phone.  “Sorry guys, we can continue,” I address everyone and we continued with the meeting.  At around 6.45 pm, the meeting was over and I called Arjun as soon as I was out of the conference room.  “Hello, Arjun,” I said.  “Hello!” the reply came and I knew this was not my Arjun’s voice.  “Who are you and where is my husband?” I asked in a split second.  “Madam, I am Inspector Dev Verma and I want to inform you that your husband Mr. Arjun Rathod has been admitted to the City hospital. He met with an accident a few hours back. You please come down here as soon as possible and do all the formalities,” he said without any interruption or thought process.  I was in a state of shock and started crying. “Is he fine?” that’s the only thing I could asked him.  “Madam he is in ICU but he is fine. You come as soon as possible,” he promptly replied.

Without wasting any time, I called my driver and left the office premises. I couldn’t control my tears, I was just crying and I wanted to reach to my husband as soon as possible. I know he was in pain and I was in pain too. I told the driver about the situation and he was rushing back to the city and was trying to console me but I was already distracted. I just wanted to cry and kill myself. Why the hell I left him at home today? If I had cancelled my meetings, the situation would have been different. I would have been with him.  I cried and cried a lot. I don’t want anything except him. God please save! Please save him! It’s not his time; it’s just my fault only mine. That’s the only thing I was murmuring. Thanks to Mohan, my driver, we reached the hospital in less than two hours.

As soon as he pulled over, I jumped out of the car and ran towards the hospital. Mohan came behind me but I didn’t bother to see him. I was still crying and in that low voice I asked at the reception. “Arjun Rathod, accident case.”  “Ma’am please calm down, he is on third floor ICU room no. 301. He is…” I didn’t bother to hear anything more and rushed towards the elevator which was straight ahead of me.  As soon as I reached the third floor, I was frozen and cold. Room no. 301 was right in front of me but I was too scared to go towards it, to see him in pain. I wished I had cancelled everything today. I saw two policemen talking to each other on the other end of the lobby and walking towards me. I glimpse at them and then I again fixed my eyes on room no. 301.  A quick shiver ran through me and I was brought to reality after one of the police man spoke “Sorry ma’am, but are you his wife, Mr. Arjun’s? “Yes,” I said shivering profusely. “Ma’am he is fine, your husband is fine, you can meet him, and I had called you sometime back.”

There was a slight relaxation in my body language after hearing to the inspector and now I just wanted to see him. I was not listening to anything he was saying.  I walked inside the room and saw him behind the glass first time in that state. So much had happened since morning and I was not able to react anything now. Inside I was still scolding myself, why I didn’t cancel everything and stayed back at home.  As I opened the door, our eyes met. I couldn’t speak anything except tears flowing down from my eyes watching him in so much pain. He had a fracture in his hand, leg and nose and bruises on his forehead and shoulders. Watching me standing there, tears rolled down his eyes too as he could determine the silent pain I was going through.

Our eyes locked and we were both just staring for a long while.  “Hello,” he said to me after a long period of silence, staring me with a slight smile of relaxation on his face.  “Baby!” I ran towards him and hugged him still crying.  “Ohh…Jiyaaaaa…it hurts, calm down,” he said laughing in pain.  “You idiot, you are laughing, I died thousand times in these two hours baby. How can you do this to me?” I said in a sad tone. “I thought I lost you Arjun.” He could feel the pain in my voice.  “Jiya, I am here and I am fine, see,” he moves his hands in a funny way and then puts them down due to pain. “And we still got to celebrate our anniversary, baby,” he winked at me.  “But I was not expecting to celebrate it over here, anyways Arjun, I am sorry, I know it’s my entire fault. I have been so hard on you being so selfish with my work. It was my mistake that I sidelined you from my priorities. You were the most precious thing to me but I just stopped taking care of you. Despite of my selfishness, you were so good to me always and I was so hard on you. Today I realized that I was losing so much in my life.” I explained it with all mixed emotions of sadness and anger. “I don’t want anything baby, my job, my work, my pay slips; the only thing I want is you. I don’t want such a job that will pushed me away from you. You know I always had a dream of walking on a road that ended in a cliff. Baby I would rather take a U-turn then fall of a cliff. That’s all I want, I want to come back to you.” My voice was low as I was still overcoming my grief.

I knew he always hated me crying but that’s the only thing I was so good at right now.  “Hush! It’s okay baby, please stop crying, you know I can’t see you like this. It’s worse than the pain.” He said with a smoothing and caring voice. “Jiya, do you remember we made a promise?” he asked me with eagerness in his voice.  “Yes,” I said in a low tone but with a slight smile and a spark in my eyes.  “We will never give up on each other till the end of time,” we said it unanimously.  He was happy and me too. We were together, back, the old us. We chatted and laughed for some more time and then had our dinner. A nice romantic hospital dinner and that too candle light, thanks to the good nurse. He slept then and I was watching him sleeping so peacefully with a smile on his face.

Next day I quit my job. Arjun was quite angry about it at first as he thought it would make me unhappy but deep down I couldn’t be anymore happier. Arjun was discharge till evening, so we were planning to celebrate New Year now as we were celebrating our start of the 14th year of being together.  Before New Year’s Eve, I came home after some shopping. Arjun was little better now but doctor had told him to stay on bed. As I went inside, the whole room was filled with heart shaped balloons. I was astonished and shocked, but little angry on Arjun because he was supposed to take rest. I couldn’t find him in the living, so I went to bedroom but he was not in there also. I went to the balcony and saw him kneeling and before I could say anything he took out a ring from his pocket and presented it to me.  That was my engagement ring and I remembered that I had thrown it in anger a few months back after a long fight. And before he or I could speak anything, tears rolled down my eyes.  “Jiya, you love me and I love you, we know that already. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And even if it takes every day for me to fight and make up with you, I will happily do it for the rest of my life. So please let’s get married again.” It was the best proposition he ever said to me and I started laughing, watching him speaking all this with a broken leg, a broken hand and a broken nose.  “Yes, baby,” as I said and helped him to stood up on his feet and wore the ring. “I love you so much baby,” and we were lost in each other’s arms again, this time for eternal.

 

Believe

Feeling so low,

I don’t even know,

What I really want,

Where I want to go.

Something is missing,

I really wanna know,

Don’t know why its happening,

Wish I could let it go.

You are to me,

Like I am to you,

You broke my heart now,

Like I did it with you.

I want it to be real,

The thing that we had,

All the moments we shared,

And made it so grand.

Glad that I met you,

And you made me fall,

In love with you,

With that one single call.

The evenings we shared,

Walk in the breeze,

All our summers winters and rainy,

Together you and me.

Forever is not a word,

Its a lifetime for me,

All my dreams and hopes,

Are with you I believe.